Sunday, June 19, 2011

Write a letter to your Diabetes....

Although I am unsure whether to start this right now or not, for fear of tears that might fly, here is my letter to you Diabetes....

Dear Diabetes....Scratch the dear.....

When trying to think of anything I could thank you for... I really can't think of anything... All that is added to my life because of you is pain. I hate the constant poking and writing and calculating, that by the time I can eat, everyone is well into their meal, or done. I hate that I feel sick when my blood isn't right on, which is a lot lately, which is resulting in being sick a lot, and having a lot more doctor appointments. I hate that I have all these medications to keep track of, doctors to listen to, and complications to look forward to. I hate that I have neuropathy and more pain because of you. I hate that my fiancee and I get in arguments because he doesn't seem to care that I have diabetes, or seems uninterested in something that is a part of me, and that he hasn't made a single effort in 2 years to know you. I hate when I get new jobs, and then they hear I am a diabetic. You haven't even brought me a single friend because of this. I hate all the looming medical bills from my past, when I had no insurance and couldn't afford to be a diabetic. I hate feeling singled out an alone because of you..... I hate that I can never have a vacation from you. I hate the fear you have instilled in me about my future. I hate that I am having such a hard time having children, partly because of you.... I hate that diabetes and depression go hand in hand, and become a vicious circle that I have been riding for years now. What have you given me? A few good memories at Camp Needlepoint. That in no way makes up for what you do and are doing to me. Scar tissue... depression... pain.... fear.....

Mostly, I hate you for being a part of me.....

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